I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
