It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
