Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You took a bar mat shot.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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