I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
