I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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