How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
