Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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