hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
