i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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