I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
