So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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