can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
