I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
