using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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