I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
