no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
