Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
