I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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