I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
