YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
