im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
