There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
he just fucked me for my cheese.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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