Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
