He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
