to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
