Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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