I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
