this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
