why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
