____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Where did you get a picture of my penis
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
