can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i love accidental penises.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
