I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
