I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
