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every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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