My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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