My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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