but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
