I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
