There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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