i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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