Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
