i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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