i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby