Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
