did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.