Texts From Last Night

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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.

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  (314): Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though. http://tfl.nu/zzah
  Replies (18) Good night (6351) Bad night (658)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.

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  (905): Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should. http://tfl.nu/b27t
  Replies (45) Good night (9138) Bad night (2718)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...

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  (215): I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day... http://tfl.nu/n3yk
  Replies (3) Good night (820) Bad night (1896)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.

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  (260): His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too. http://tfl.nu/ej6j
  Replies (8) Good night (4803) Bad night (989)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.

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  (765): Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater. http://tfl.nu/rsqd
  Replies (4) Good night (1576) Bad night (614)
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  (716): View more from New York

  I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun

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  (716): I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun http://tfl.nu/488y
  Replies (0) Good night (857) Bad night (322)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?

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  (315): Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er? http://tfl.nu/auy8
  Replies (6) Good night (715) Bad night (649)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"

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  (229): He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets" http://tfl.nu/6jbp
  Replies (2) Good night (1248) Bad night (505)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?

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  (908): Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us? http://tfl.nu/djoh
  Replies (2) Good night (896) Bad night (322)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.

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  (405): Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center. http://tfl.nu/aec1
  Replies (2) Good night (636) Bad night (313)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.

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  (954): I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school. http://tfl.nu/cu89
  Replies (1) Good night (876) Bad night (287)
• Favorite

  (551): View more from New Jersey

  My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie

  (1-551): View more from New Jersey

  You've got post-grad studies written all over you

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  (551): My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie (1-551): You've got post-grad studies written all over you http://tfl.nu/kigg
  Replies (2) Good night (642) Bad night (267)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"

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  (214): Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff" http://tfl.nu/duty
  Replies (1) Good night (552) Bad night (287)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.

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  (305): Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem. http://tfl.nu/qcsf
  Replies (6) Good night (329) Bad night (720)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.

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  (678): Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature. http://tfl.nu/4fv9
  Replies (2) Good night (517) Bad night (262)

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