Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
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she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
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Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?