This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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