Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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