And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
