I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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