things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
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oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
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I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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