Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
