Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
