I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
