Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
