have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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