I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
