I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
