i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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