weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
