my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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