Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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