There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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