Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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