I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Randomize
