My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
