i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize